{"id":13877,"date":"2025-04-21T21:22:14","date_gmt":"2025-04-21T21:22:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/finderica.com\/?p=13877"},"modified":"2025-04-21T21:22:14","modified_gmt":"2025-04-21T21:22:14","slug":"my-husband-refuses-to-let-me-see-his-will-is-this-normal","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/finderica.com\/?p=13877","title":{"rendered":"My Husband Refuses to Let Me See His Will. Is This Normal?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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\"ScoreCard<\/p>\n

Dear Penny,<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve been with my husband for 12 years and married for five. He has always had more money than me by a large margin, in both income and investments. He is generous with that money, paying maybe 75% of our joint expenses, as well as most of our luxury expenses like eating out and travel. I appreciate this, and I know he does it both because he cares for me and because I would not be able to do these things on my income. We keep separate bank accounts. We have no children at all. We\u2019ve talked about it and he seems content, not resentful, of our financial situation. Further, he manages the household finances and feels most of the stress about money for retirement.<\/span><\/p>\n

My question: He has written a will, at my request. He refuses to discuss it or let me see it, claiming that his attorney advised him not to show and\/or discuss the will with anyone, including his wife. I\u2019m disturbed, and feel like I deserve to know what his plans are. What do you think? Is this standard?<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 In the Dark<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

Dear In the Dark,<\/p>\n

Thank you for sharing your experience; this sounds like a trying situation and one of many tough money conversations to have with your spouse.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not a legal expert, so I reached out to some experts in estate planning to weigh in.<\/p>\n

Ciara Lister, an estate planning attorney and co-founder of the online estate planning service\u00a0Legado<\/a>, says this level of privacy isn\u2019t unusual for a will, and it\u2019s within your husband\u2019s right to keep his will private.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe claim that an attorney advised against sharing the will with the spouse is plausible, as legal advisors often emphasize the importance of confidentiality and the potential for undue influence or disputes,\u201d says Lister.<\/p>\n

Lister explains your husband isn\u2019t legally obligated to share his will with anyone, including a spouse, while he\u2019s alive. After his death, it\u2019ll go through the probate process in court, and then it becomes a public document anyone can view. If you\u2019re named in the will, you also have a right to request a copy of it after his death.<\/p>\n

A lot of factors determine whether a person wants to share their will with anyone. Your husband might simply be following the advice of his attorney, he might want to avoid instigating a conflict in the family, or keeping this document private might just be a personal preference for him. Even if you don\u2019t see the will, now that you\u2019ve started the conversation, you can continue an open dialogue in your relationship about what each of you wishes to happen to your estates after you die.<\/p>\n

\u201cAlthough there\u2019s no legal mandate to view the will while the spouse is alive, understanding each other\u2019s intentions, especially in states where laws facilitate seamless asset transfer to spouses, is invaluable,\u201d says Lister.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s possible he has other reasons for secrecy, too. Lister suggests his hesitancy could mean the will includes directives you might not agree with (which is, again, his legal right). Lister\u2019s co-founder and CEO at Legado, Noelle Kimble McEntee, adds that secrecy about a will is sometimes covering up another person or child in the spouse\u2019s life. We\u2019re by no means suggesting that\u2019s the case for you, but clearing up his motivations through an open dialogue can help put any concerns or mistrust to rest \u2014 or deal with them early.<\/p>\n

\u201cIf possible, it\u2019s worth asking if [infidelity] is the reason to help avoid any future heartache, confusion or legal battles,\u201d says McEntee.<\/p>\n

Let your husband know if you\u2019re worried about your financial security or an unexpected\u00a0contested will after his death. He can help you avoid those challenges by being open about his intentions for his estate, even if he wants to keep the document private.<\/p>\n

Dana Miranda is a Certified Educator in Personal Finance\u00ae, author, speaker and personal finance journalist. She writes <\/i>Healthy Rich<\/i><\/a>, a newsletter about how capitalism impacts the ways we think, teach and talk about money.<\/i><\/p>\n

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